Straightfoward Instructions For Travelers: Machu Picchu

Hey guys, quick disclaimer, the information below is correct to the best of my knowledge as of March 21, 2014. If something changes, it won't be this blog. So check yo sh*t before traveling.

Hellllooooo...some time ago I created a blog post explaining, with certainty, how a traveler can hike the W in the Chilean Patagonia. Continuing in that theme, I wanted to post here directions for getting to Machu Picchu via planes, trains, and automobiles well, buses, and NOT the Inca Trail, which I would highly recommend though I have yet to participate in said endeavor.

Well, without further delay...

• Fly into Cuzco. Depending on where you are flying from you might have to fly through somewhere else, maybe Lima
• Take the train to Aguas Calientes. Make sure to ask for a seat with the river view, it’s worth it
• If you can/get there early enough, go straight to the park, otherwise stay a night
• To actually get to Machu Picchu from Agaus Calientes, you can take a bus OR walk it. 
• If you walk it, you take the stairs. They are not continuous. Of course the road that has been built for automobiles to take you to Machu Picchu is just a series of switchbacks. The walking route takes you straight up and across these switchbacks. So you take a set of steps and you reach the road again where it levels off. You take another set of steps, lather, rinse, repeat. I'd say it probably takes 1.5-2 hours to walk it, but I've never done it. I could be totally wrong. And, dude, it's walking. Up hill and up steps. Yeesh. AND BE CAREFUL. There are buses coming up and down the road all the time. So stay on the sides of the road, you nitwit.
• OR you can take the bus. Not sure how expensive it is, but it's not expensive. If you are coming in one day and going the next, buy tickets at the bus station the day before (I'm pretty sure this is possible). You can take the bus at 6 AM but the office selling the tickets opens at the same time, so if you don't want to waste your time if the buses are full OR you miss the first bus, buy the tickets the night before. Also, you should be able to walk to the bus station. Aguas Calientes is not a big town.
• To enter Machu Picchu, YOU MUST BUY TICKETS BEFOREHAND. You cannot buy them at the entrance. And you can buy them here, at the official site. I am pretty sure you can't buy tickets anywhere else but at this site. So if you find another site, cuidate. And the Peruvian government only sells a certain number of tickets for each day. They don't want the ruins getting, well, ruined. Too much traffic is bad for it, of course.
• There are 3 different tickets you can buy:
• One ticket is solely for Machu Picchu
• One ticket is for Machu Picchu + Huaynapicchu (for the English speakers, it kind of sounds like "Wayne uh Picchu". <-- DO THIS ONE. Huaynapicchu means "young mountain" or "young persons' mountain". It takes maybe 45-60 minutes to hike but, with a clear day, it gives you a spectacular view from above of Machu Picchu. And even without a clear day, the clouds still provide a fantastic view.
• Finally there is a ticket for Machu Picchu + Machu Mountain. I hear this is less traveled than Huaynapicchu but still great. It's your call.
• When you're there, just in regular ole Machu Picchu, walk to the Sun Gate. It takes like, an hour maybe? Maybe 1.5 hours? Who cares, just freaking do it. It's so worth it. It's where the Inca Trail actually ends and brings you into Machu Picchu but you can walk from the other side. The view is spectacular.
• You can do an entire visit in one day, but, of course, stay longer if you want. Then just do the reverse of the above trip to get you back to Cuzco.

And just for a little photo-y goodness...

The Linux Half-Life

 

So, let me get this out of this way up front: I know I have titled this post "The Linux Half-Life" but the logo above is for Ubuntu, a flavor a Linux, and one of the most popular among those. See that? I've already demonstrated I understand the difference between the two. Why did I choose the Ubuntu logo? Well, for one reason, see below, but also, I was afraid if I just put up a picture of Tux, the mascot of Linux which is a penguin, I was afraid everyone would just be like "Aw, cute penguin!" and move on. Also, I like Ubuntu. I've used it, installed, I probably even ran it off a USB key and/or maybe used it compile the Linux kernel. Who knows, I can't remember it all. It certainly is the flavor of Linux I've used more than any other, and certainly the kind I like the most. What's it called? "Linux for beginners" or "Linux for humans"? Might as well be "Linux for dummies" but I don't mean that in a bad way.

Typically, hostels in South America offer one or multiple computers for their guests to use. You know, to do whatever, but let's hope it's not to watch porn. "There are people around!" "It's a free country!" "Whatever." The computers are generally POS's, but not always. They're keyboards, mice, towers (the actually computer itself, it's sometimes referred to as a tower, as I am doing so here), and monitors usually don't match. The monitor will be black and the tower will be white, or vice versa, or match, or whatever. It is quite apparent these arrangements have been cobbled together at the least expense. Which makes sense. It's a hostel. Hostels, by their nature, are cheap. That's the point. You're supposed to have a bed, a shower, maybe a breakfast, and possibly some directions around town. That's it. You're not entitled to a computer. It's a privelege, not a right.*

What I found peculiar, the reason for this post as it were, was the number of computers running Linux, specifically Ubuntu. Well, fair enough, I think maybe there was only two computers at the same hostel that maybe (I didn't check) were running Linux that wasn't Ubuntu. I didn't know that any "normal" people knew anything about Linux or Ubuntu, so to find it on computers at hostels in South America was surprising. But at the same turn, it wasn't. These computers were budget computers. Ubuntu, on the other hand, is free. Download, install, hope that Intel, AMD, and whomever else has made the proper drivers (more common with older hardware) for your hardware. And then never upgrade if it works, lest you risk breaking something and then force yourself to downgrade or wade through the aftermath and fix the error in your current Linux version. Your call.

Yes, I did find computers running Windows, such as XP or 7 (don't think I ran across anything other than these 2), and absolutely no Macs. Too expensive or a theft target, I'm sure. I did one time find a Linux distro (nerd-speak for distribution. A distribution, by the way, is the same thing as what I've called here a "flavor", or particular version of Linux) that had changed the desktop appearance to look like Windows. Ha! Wasn't fooling anyone, the PC was a POS. In one hostel where I find very nice computers, I saw a particularly creative solution for making sure people didn't use them too long (in place of badgering people with "Are you gonna be done soon?" in various languages): the hostel mounted the monitors to the wall and put the keyboard so high you could only stand. And of course they didn't put any chairs there. So you'd get tired of standing there pretty quickly. Get in, check your e-mail, Facebook, upload photos, etc, and get out of there. That was the idea.

Well, that's pretty much it. Linux is way more popular, i.e., it exists at all in South America, which was surprising and more or less clever. People trying to save money and Ubuntu doesn't offer a bad desktop experience. Good job, SA.

*By the way, I hate this phrase. It's overused in American politics. Shut up, already.

P.S. And just for fun, here's a couple images of Tux.

 

Locks With Longhorns

When I was making plans to come to South America, from last April (April 2013 for those of you reading this 2027, long after I'm dead) until, well, up until the day I left, and then when I was making further plans in Buenos Aires (and I guess other places?), I never thought I'd hike in Patagonia.* Before this trip, to me Patagonia was a place with like little streams and flowers (I saw like a 2 second clip on The Discovery Channel about it once or something and THAT was the clip: some flowers around a stream. REVEALING.) and, you know, stuff to look at. Okay, I didn't really know what Patagonia was. Or what was there. Or where it was, except south in South America (still guessing). I just thought it was supposed to be some pretty place to go look at and people wanna go to and blah blah blah. I didn't know what you did there.

But I have since learned.

People talked about in hostels in Buenos Aires** and the more I learned, the more I was like "Hey, that wasn't just some bullshit from TDC. It's a thing." As I met and spoke with more travelers, Patagonia was a recurring theme, er, well topic. Theme doesn't make sense here.*** My interest was increasing all the time.

But then came the tipping point (cue dramatic music. And/or lawsuit from Malcolm Gladwell). Really, the flood gates were opened. Other metaphors. I met a group of three American students, studying abroad***** in Santiago, Chile, visiting Buenos Aires. And, I'm not sure when I met them, i.e., I'm not sure if they'd gone to Patagonia by this time, but I stayed in touch with them.

One of these students was (well, is, she's still alive, but for the sake of the past tense (is this the imperfect?) just let me say "was" here) a girl named Paige Rylander. Female, from Texas, like 20 years old******, with a great smile and who is shy for about 10 seconds and then displays a wit as sharp as a...sharp, pointy thing. She is kind and generous with a radiant personality. Everyone (ok, not everyone, smartass) is instantly or shortly thereafter attracted (platonic sense) to her. And she seems to be about as from Texas as I seem to be from Alabama.

I stayed in touch with Paige after our chance/fateful encounter in Buenos Aires. It was mostly via fighting with snarky comments over Facebook, but, still counts. We hadn't spoken for some time (who knows how long) but basically out of nowhere she messaged me and said the next time we spoke (and that I should remind her to tell me), she'd tell me all about how to get to this fabled "Patagonia" and go hiking, step by step, from Santiago to Punta Arenas to Puerto Natales (I swear you have to have a reservation with Bus Sur from the airport in Punta Arenas now) and then to Torres del Paine, including the talk at Erratic Rock/Base Camp. And she came through in fine style. Paige held to her word and laid it out in such a straightforward manner even I could follow it. No "when you come a fork in the road, take it" nonsense.

For posterity's sake, I have formalized and addendumized (yup, it's a word) her Facebook message and encased it in a blog post on, ahem, my blog (winks at camera) as a shrine, a commemoration for all the word to see of Paige's contribution to humanity: How To Hike The W - Straightforward Instructions For Travelers.

But, it didn't stop there. It would be unfair (to whom, I am unsure) to stop the story there. To say this would be only Paige's only contribution to humanity (not that we've seen others AHEM get on it) but also to say that this was her only contribution to my life. Paige has been a really great part of my trip in South America, albeit most of it has been virtually (not like that, you assholes) via Facebook messages. When we are talking about serious things, she always has kind words and advice. When we are not being serious, which is literally all of the time, she is unleashing her pent-up frustrations on me in the form of clever insults and backhanded insults (no, that's not a typo. Backhanded insults. Figure it out.). I do seem to be the target of her barbs, but it's just as well, it means I have someone to send some back to as well. Everyone needs a sparring partner, and Paige readily agreed even though I insisted I already had too many.

Oh, I guess, I should also mention that I visited her and the other girls in Santiago in the first week of December of 2013 and she showed me around and took me to bars and parties and I had an ABSOLUTE BLAST. So thank you, again, for that, O Texan One. For this and all the reasons above, I give you, until someone comes up with something better, the nickname "Locks with Longhorns". It's a Texas reference, ya see, combined with her combative personality.

Everyone raise your glasses. To Paige.

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*Spoiler alert: GUESS WHAT I DID?!

**Gee, Brennan, some internet research might have served you well here as Patagonia is one of the most-visited places on earth, but hey, Google sure is struggling these days CUZ IT HAS NO INFORMATION. Right? Whatever. Go read The Collective Memory Of Travelers by one Brennan A. Wheeler.

***Sis, you remember that time in the car, we were on the way to school, and Mom was helping Tommy with something, and she goes "Casey, what's a thematic map?" and you deadpanned, "Um, a map with a theme." BAZINGA! I'm sure you weren't trying to be ornery**** but god that was funny.

****I don't know what this word means

*****Juvenile abroad/"a broad" joke

******She was AT LEAST 18, I swear/hope. Also, how old are you, Paige? It doesn't matter. You were in college at the time of this happening. People get the idea.

Straightfoward Instructions For Travelers: How To Hike The W In The Chilean Patagonia

Hello everyone,

I wanted to share directly, albeit in a slightly edited manner, the instructions that were given to me by one Paige Rylander (ahem, Paige, shoutout, holler) for hiking the W. I find that for the uninitiated, there is never enough information on traveling, hiking, how to get things done, even if there is in fact an absolute overabundance of information on a topic. People just don't really know but it helps when something comes from somebody they trust. And so Paige continued the cycle of being a good person and helping out other fellow travelers and gave me these awesome words below, which I now pass on to you, dear reader, in the hopes of continuing the cycle of generosity and people enjoying Patagonia. This was cobbled together from Facebook messages as I recall but the message has remained true even though this is a transcription. Paige was very thorough (giggidy). The main thing I did was format and correct numerous typos, while adding typos of my own.

"Here's whats up:

1. Fly to Punta Arenas (advice: if you plan to camp, buy camping food in whatever city you're in before hand.  I recommend canned tuna, pita bread, and a lot of spaghetti noodles and packets of tomato sauce)
2. There's a bus from the Punta Arenas airport (no one will tell you that it exists but it does and it's called Bus Sur) if you wait long enough in front of the airport it will come and it is cheap to Puerto Natales
3. In Puerto Natales there are millions of hostels, I don't really care which one you pick, but at 3:00 PM go to Erratic Rock Base Camp* (Erratic Rock is a hostel, Base Camp is the bar they own next store) for a talk on how to complete the hike without dying. Make sure you go to this because you should follow the girl's instructions exactly**. And you should rent whatever gear you need there.***
4. Hike the W from west to East and enjoy the most amazing landscape ever. And then tell me how it went.  You'll meet awesome people, too.

I think you would get a good feel for patagonia in about 10-11 days. You do the treck. Stick around in Puerto Natales and see a glacier, take a horseback ride, or something.  Head back to Punta Arenas and see the penguins/some more glaciers. Enjoy the city ect. Then fly out."

From Brennan: Now get ya buns down there and go hike!

*Comment from Brennan, not Paige: say this name fast and see what you get. Just try it. You'll laugh.

**Paige was like "exactly EXACTLY" and I be like "How exactly?" and she like "EXACTLY bold CAPS italics" and I be like "Exactly exactly?" and she be like "Exactly MOTHERFUCKER, I will KILL YOU!" and I be like "Damn, Paige, I'm just playin, don't playerhate, hate tha GAME!" Ok the end.

***You can rent pretty much everything you need there except pants. Their sign with all the items they rent and the price per day says they have pants but they don't. Or maybe they were out of rented pants that day. I don't know. But you can always ask. And I found poles cheaper by $1000 Chilean pesos (about $2 USD) a day.

The Collective Memory Of Travelers

I recently read "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell. Yes, yes, it did come out, like, four hundred years ago. Shut up. But I read it. Amongst many other various topics, he talks about these kinds of shared memories. In one case he mentions "transactive memory" but I'm not sure if that's the term here. Basically, I'm talking about shared memory across multiple persons. No, no, not like ESP. It's more like, well, I know my friends Spencer and Dillon are more car buffs than I am. So, I don't learn a ton of information on my cars because, in addition to not being that interested, I really on them for knowledge and recommendations on cars. Spencer's pretty much driven ever car ever made since he's rented 401,638* cars over his lifetime. I'm not sure why he was surprised he got pulled over for doing under 95 in that Model T on 285. So, you see, I am sharing memory with Spencer and Dillon. I don't know all about cars, but I know they know all about cars and I know them so I go to them when I need information. People do this all the time. I mean, really, our contact list on Facebook, on our phones, Google accounts, etc, are all shared memory. I don't know Spencer's phone number by heart, but I know where to get it.

I mention all this to say this: the collective memory, the collective knowledge, or travelers about traveling, and really kind of the world in general is ASTOUNDING. Let me try to describe it, but I'm sure I'll fail miserably. What do you do when you try to plan a trip? How do you a pick a destination? You throw a dart at a map? You heard about a place from a friend? Read about it in a book? Then what? Why you plan it, of course. How? You Google it? Lonely Planet? TripAdvisor? Wikipedia? Travel Agency? Then what? Book flights, hotels, hostels? Ok, so you get there. You research some more. Talk to a local tourism office. The hotel front desk. The friendly hostel staff. So you've some idea of what to see. And you go out and see it, or at least some of it, and ultimately you are the judge of what is good or bad. Maybe on your list you've got some museums but the first few things you say sucked and you're like "I don't want to walk my ass through some boring museums** after that nonsense. Let's find some lunch, booze, and a futbol match."*** So, now what? Lonely Planet and the rest have let you down. Talk to travelers. Talk to them. Seriously. Where have they been? When a second person mentions a place without you mentioning it first, it's like getting the second source in journalism: IT'S GO TIME.

When you talk to people who have traveled, who are traveling, who have been traveling, you learn SO MUCH. You learn about places you've never heard of and you learn more about places you have heard of. You learn more about places you've been to. You really find the right way to do things. Guidebooks don't have all the information, and even if they seem to, it could have changed. When the traveler says "Go here, take this bus, no one will tell you the bus exists, but it does", LISTEN TO HER****.

These people have been there. They know about it. They know some of the best and most unique ways to experience places. It's not intuitive and they have learned by experience. Learn from them.

When I was hiking the W in Torres del Paine National Park in the Chilean Patagonia, on December 9th one of the girls I was hiking with mentioned "Navimag". It immediately registered with me, though. I, today, December 21st, the day I am writing this article for the first time, I found the e-mail I sent myself the day I first heard the word Navimag, I word hadn't heard since. I sent that e-mail on September 23, 2013. I heard it from Ryan Springer, an American from Pittsburgh traveling in Buenos Aires at the time. We were at Hostel Estoril, on the 6th floor, on Avenida de Mayo in the middle of Buenos Aires, one block from the National Congress building. The e-mail was titled "Navimag" and the body was empty. I sent it as a reminder to myself to Google it. It's a cruise you can take, well, it's the company I suppose, from Puerto Natales to...somewhere. Or maybe multiple places. Puerto Mont and Chiloe are my guesses. Ryan had also told me about going to see the Gray Glacier. I didn't know at the time, but he was describing the first leg of the W.

Do you see? Do you see that?? The things he's talking about, one of them I was currently doing when I heard about the second thing, independently, from another traveler whom I was trekking the W with. I heard about it and said, "That's two sources. Two independent sources. It MUST be good."

I suppose the most important thing that happens when you listen to these people is trust, trustworthiness, and confidence. When you get to a know a traveler, a person really in this case, and you get to trust them, you end up trusting their recommendations. You're going to trust what they say over what the guidebook says.

One more thing: how do we capitalize on this? You can't. Or, at least, I don't know. I don't know how you market trust like that. I'm sure someone in marketing has, so get on that.

*Approximately

**Not all museums suck. Just most. The Louvre and the Smithsonian are exceptions.

***This has never been my experience, I swear.

****Sneak preview of my post on one Paige Rylander

La Cultura Chilena de Fiesta

Briefly addressing the title: not sure if it's right, but what I meant to say was "The Chilean party culture". Moving along...

I spent all of six nights in Santiago, Chile, in December 2013. I hope I return. I really, really do. I want to. It was fun. And I really like this city of 6 million people, with it's world-class metro*, easy-going atmosphere, and dangerously potent drinks. But it took me only six nights innately understand, or at least get a taste of, real Chilean party culture.

At some point on that 6th night, I drunkenly sent myself and then discovered the next day an e-mail titled "Chilean culture". The body of the e-mail read "Damn the torpedoes full speed ahead". I knew this was uttered by somebody in a war and has been one of my favorite quotes of all time, not just among my favorite war quotes. A quick Google search tells me it was uttered by none other than David Farragut**, admiral in the United States navy during the American Civil War. He did during the Battle of Mobile Bay on August 5, 1864. The Union won the day. It is unclear the impact the quote had on the battle but it is clear how memorable the quote is. To me, without further explanation, even knowing no context, it perfectly captures and explains Chilean party culture. You go on, you go ahead and do what you're going to do, balls to the wall***, perfectly brazen, and you enjoy the hell out of yourself. Chile and I were friends before this night, but I believe you don't really know anyone until you've gotten blasted with them. Chile and I are bros now.

I am sure part of the reason I partied so much in Santiago was because I was there for only a week. I had to make the most of it. YOLO, right? It seems like every time I went out, people went HARD. I mean hard. Real hard. Hard hard. Like, it's 4 AM and you're still drinking pisco like it's water hard. Yeah. Basically, that's all I really have to say here. Lots of cultures have fun with it but in my limited experience in partying in Chile, they almost take it seriously. It's like "we're gonna get blasted END OF STORY." Now, of course, not everyone does this. But from what I saw, plenty of people do. And it was glorious.

Rock on, Chile.

*That is no exaggeration. If there's better metro anywhere in the world, I challenge you to find it.

**In the 2009 movie "Star Trek", one of the ships is named the Farragut. Any idea if it is after this man? If so, it's ironic as it's one of the ones destroyed by that massive Klingon ship that did not speak for the empire.

***TO DA WALL!

Sacrificing The Couch

I really, really, really hope you read the title of this post and got the image in your head of someone standing behind a couch, with a white face, white like lightning, so white it is unnatural, as if they've just been frightened, with short, dark, tussled hair, wearing a long-sleeved blue t-shirt, holding their hands above their hands, knife tightly clasped in between, a crazed, maniacal look on their face, ready and willing to sacrifice said couch. The room is dark, quite. He's waiting, just waiting. Waiting for the lightning strike and inevitable thunderclap following to time the strike of the perfect blow.

But maybe that was just me. I really need to work on my prose. And my everything.

But no, this is not the type of sacrifice to which I am referring. I mean giving it up, forgoing it.

Life is, well, up to you. I know, I know, there are times when it's not. If you have a child and also happen to be responsible, no, you can't pick up and run off to Argentina like I did. But, I think, in general, you can. I have met lots of people who think they can't, but they can. They have the means. They can. And I believe the numerous travelers I have met along my way, and those who came before me and those who will invariably come after me prove, it is possible. It is possible to make your own choices and live your own life.

You can stay at home. I'd imagine there are people who could live in the town where they were born and/or raised and stay there all their lives. People used to do that, I think?

You can do whatever you want.
The couch is comfortable.
But you only have one life.

This post is not about saying you only have one life, get out there and life! Etc etc shamey inspirational bullshit. In fact, the world more or less needs some people to stay home and do their jobs. We can't have everyone traveling. Someone's got to work the fields, harvest the food, and ship it to the cities so we can all eat.

I more or less want to point out that when you do choose to travel, in a way, you're choosing the more difficult path. You could say this is true of anything difficult. And you could also argue traveling is like running away and never wanting to grow up.* But I argue it's easy to sit on the couch, and it's counterintuitive to travel. Don't people want the easy thing? Not necessarily the path of least resistence, but why consciously make yourself uncomfortable? SO YOU CAN SEE THE WORLD. You have to give up the couch in order to see the world. You have to make yourself uncomfortable. You have to hike for four days up and down hills and mountains and sleep three nights on the ground on a mat in a sleeping bag in a tent so you can experience said beautiful hills and mountains.

I could be at home, in Atlanta, going to bars, enjoying great food, beer, my friends, hookah, making more money, etc. But I am in Punta Arenas, Chile, using a desktop computer that is an LG CD-ROM (maybe DVD-ROM at this point?) and the rest mystery, a Maxell mouse, and a Philips monitor, with very good electricity and internet writing this post. And I'll have the memory of this, not Atlanta. I will, regrettably, miss good trips and times with some amazing friends. But I'm making new friends and seeing new parts of the world. I do feel the twinge of pain when I think of the things I'll miss out on with my friends. And that's the sacrifice I'm talking about.

-B

*Don't get me started on growing up, suffice to say it, it's overrated.

American Entertainment, Part 2: Pop Culture As A Multiplier Effect

So this is Part 2 of my post on American Entertainment. But I had the idea for this post specifically a while ago. But now, so much time has passed, I suppose I've "lost the fury". Lost my way? Lost my fire? I don't know, something. I'm sure there's a good Shakespearean or Dickensian quote I could/should use here, but, for the life of me, I'm not educated. I don't know Greek but I know to beware the Greeks bearing gifts. Do you think that's enough?

Anyways, in Part 1 of this post I talked about American Entertainment as an industry, a product, and an export. A great product indeed, an industry worth billions. Something we can be proud of I think. Some time back, years I am sure, probably in college, I was reading some book, probably the under/over-appreciated (for me over but so many people have insulted it I don't what to believe any more), I was giving some thought to American culture in a larger context. I was disillusioned at the moment, as I'm sure others were, still are, will be, and will continue to be, over American culture and our love of celebrity. We should think the inventor of the USB is a celebrity and praise him, his genius, his knowledge, his steadfastness, and his work ethic! Not Paris Hilton and her sluttiness (I'm not slut-shaming, just making a point) or, I dunno, whoever the fuck does Talk Soup now or whatever the hell show people watch now.* I mean, honestly, I could not give a FUCK about the royal wedding (sorry, you English bastards**), the royal baby, the royal baptism, the royal pregnancy, OR the royal bowel movement, MUCH LESS Blue Valentine or whatever the hell Jigga and wifey named their kid or Kanyeezy and Kim FamousForNoGoddamnReasonDashian named theirs.

I don't like pop culture, if it wasn't obvious. To me, it's silly, stupid, and pointless. But I shouldn't condemn it, for at least two reasons. One, it's not for me. It's not. It's for the fools who do. Go for it, kids. You want to see Justin Beiber (or is it Bieber? Who gives a...) banging some midget prostitute, excuse me, lady of the night, on a big wheel  while eating some falafel, be my guest. TMZ has the latest and some other douchebags have already created memes, gifs, and remixes.

As I said, it's not problem. I shouldn't get my blood pressure up over it. But it's my OCD, you see? I can't stand inefficiency, even if it has nothing to do with me. I hate seeing people wasting their time. I have to learn to get over it.

I also shouldn't condemn it because it's big money. Pop culture, while a thing, and a powerful force that, one that drives careers in contracts, would not exist without the larger arts around it. Or at least it would be significantly smaller. It would not exist without television shows (NYC), films (Hollywood), music, etc. I don't mean the fine arts, necessarily, or I guess what you would call the finer arts, classical music, paintings, less traditional, more modern, post-modern, ultra-modern, and sentient being art movements. Films and television certainly can be fine art (Breaking Bad for example or just the way Meryl Streep does everything perfectly in her movies). They just aren't Beethoven. Sorry. Kubrick came close, I imagine. It's a different way of being creative, anyway.

But the point is, pop culture comes out of these things. It makes these stars of music/movies/television shows even bigger than they otherwise would be. First comes the fame for some reason (unless you're an internet celebrity, in which case, fuck off***) then comes the obsession with the individual with the person, the star, the celebrity. It is natural, this fascination, of course. It has been around since time. These people make us feel good and, psychologically, we come to love them. We want to repay them with affection for the things they give us. But I really don't care, or even want to know, the size of Kate Winslet's last poop or that Justin Timberlake has a hangnail.

But the world is celebrity is good in that it makes the product, the package of all of this entertainment even bigger and more valuable.

I once learned (via NPR, I need to find the article/podcast/whatever) of how backwards the NBA is and how underpaid LeBron James is. He is so that more of the money paid to players can be spread around and you can have teams in places where normally the market wouldn't support it. Like Orlando, FL, or Sacramento, CA.***** But!**** But, the NBA is bigger for this reason. It reaches more markets, more people, and is this overall more valuable. So LeBron James sells more jerseys and shoes and makes up his lower salary in other ways.

It is like this with American entertainment and pop culture. Our pop culture makes our entertainment even more valuable. And that is fine. It is good.

But, to a larger part, to scale, to an multiplication, our entertainment is consumed by the entire world. Our music, our movies, our television. The popularity is a wholly separate matter. This is true for several reasons, I can only speculate, but one because we invest so heavily in it and, two, it is in English. We provide a great platform, with both of these things, for people to make, both the artists and companies. And consumers get a great product.

So, taking what I said about celebrity and our entertainment as a product, pop culture and obsession with it, with celebrities, it makes our entertainment even more valuable and we make even more money globally. And the pop culture extends in our countries, with our celebrities and their celebrities.

The end.

*I had something for this, come back to me

**I mostly love the Brits, it's just fun to play colonial wargames all over again with you cheeky fellows. Something something Harry Potter.

***If you are an internet celebrity turned real celebrity, a la John Lajoie or Childish Gambino, you're cool

****There's always a but

*****Yes, yes, yes, every team has had it's glory days

Update 1 (2013-12-20)

I gotta say, in re-reading what I've written thus, my post has not quite lived up to expectations. Whatever. I'll have someone from the Times be my editor.

American Entertainment, Part 1: Our Greatest Export

American woman.

American psycho.

American entertainment.

Let's just get this out of the way: I want to clarify and disambiguate between two things: American entertainment and pop culture. American entertainment is the production, distribution, and consumption of our films, music, television shows, etc. Pop culture is the obsession with these things and with celebrity. I'll talk about the former in the first part of this post and the latter in the second part.

Some people say America doesn't make anything anymore, doesn't build anything anymore. So I've heard. Look at the stevedores of Baltimore shipping in Season 2 of The Wire. The death of the American working class, indeed. Reminds me a little bit of Pretty Woman. What is it that Richard Gere says as he laments that his success has come with his company only breaking up and selling other companies? "We don't build anything." I wonder if he knew how poignant that quote would be today.

But for me, I really couldn't disagree with these people more. Absolutely America still builds things. You know, like buildings. We have manufacturing. The Mercedes Benz and AirBus plants in Alabama, I think BMW has one in North Carolina now. Motorola (now owned by Google basically) at least assembles in Texas, right? I guess the lamentations have quieted down recently. And we have companies that build all over the world. HP, IBM, and others have manufacturing in Tierra del Fuego, Argentina.

And not only do we build, but we produce! What does California alone have? Facebook, Google, Apple. Washington has Microsoft. Ok, so we're pretty strong on the technology front, obvi. And for these companies, what I mean we're producing is services, so not tangible goods, but other things people want.

So, to the point of my post: American entertainment. I want to talk about it specifically because, for me, given the scale, it's rivaled by no one globally. Not even close. There are competitors I'd say, think Chinese cinema, Bollywood (it's a big industry in India but I don't see it consumed much outside of India and some surrounding countries and Indians abroad). South Korea is doing a great job with music (Gangnam Style). They really know how to throw money at that industry and make it work.

But American entertainment? Fuggedaboutit. Just one example: The Avengers, Thor. $200 million to make a movie that might lose $150 million or make $800 million. God look at that! What investment! What return! What loss! Over and over again! Without fail! We crank out TONS of movies and we haven't touch tv shows or music yet! $200 million on a single movie and it's not like we make one movie a year.

I believe we are the pinnacle of entertainment. We make the most and we make the best entertainment, year after year. It doesn't mean that we make the absolute best song every year or best movie ever year, but we product so much good entertainment. If you want to be big globally, you have to work in the US market. Take The Beatles. I'm paraphrasing here, but they said something to the effect of, "We don't want to come to the US until we're number one." Numero uno. Notice they didn't say France, they didn't say Germany, or Ghana, or China. The US. Rail against me all you want for being a Pro-America American and for being obnoxious, but when it comes to entertainment, we're kind of a big deal.

Our entertainment, produced in the US (and, of course, filmed abroad where applicable) is eaten UP by the United States and the world. I mean, California would be, what, the world's 8th largest economy by itself?* It's true. You know it. I know it. American entertainment is consumed and loved by every corner of the world. It's like Coke. And people say the world hates us. Fuck yourself.**

All you have to do is travel a little bit to see it. People watch our shows, in English or translated from English in their language. They listen to our music in English. They watch our movies with subtitles. So many people abroad have heard of, watched, and/or loved Friends. I have heard non-Americans say "Yeah, of course we have music in our language, but in order to be known globally, you have to be in English so more people can understand and identify with your music. You're just reaching a much larger market."*** I've met people in Argentina who watching Breaking Bad. It's great.

Other countries have what other countries have. We build, they build. They are no better or worse than us for any of this. Please don't take away from this that I think America is the best country in the world or better than any other country in the world. But I do think our entertainment industry is the best in the world. You might have whatever you have. But America? We have The Hulk.

Coming up next week (i.e., whenever the hell I feel like): Part 2 - Pop Culture As A Multipliler Effect

*NO CLUE IF THIS IS RIGHT I MADE IT UP. And, of course, that's not just due to the entertainment industry.

**See, Ashley? It does work.

***Sure, this is more an argument for English, but bear with me

Uruguay In Four Parts - Cuz I Said That's How Many It Needed - Parte Cuatro - Punta del Este

So I'm doing a review/my thoughts on Uruguay in four equal installments (we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all installments were created equal):

1. Uruguay - an overall review and my thoughts on what they're doing right or wrong as a country
2. Montevideo - thoughts on the capital city
3. Colonia - one word: chivitos
4. Punta del Este - best beaches in South America (so far)

You are now experiencing Part Four. Enjoy.

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

So, Punta del Este. It means "Point of the east". East point? West point? West Point? Whatever. So, first, GO. Go there. Do that. Do that thang. Seriously, it's beautiful.

I remember the first time I heard about Punta del Este. A beautiful Argentinian girl told me about it. Said it was her favorite beach to go to, at least in Uruguay, anyway. I remember her describing it to me as a "town", but I have a shitty memory, especially when I'm drinking.* I'm not sure if I like going to places with the wrong conception, or not conception for that matter, of said place. I should really do my homework. But I suppose I do enjoy the surprise. Especially when it's a nice surprise. I feel more endeared to a place that I haven't traveled there and found it to be a shithole. So, thanks, places.

This is all to say that, in my humble opinion, Punta del Este NOT a town. When I first saw it from a distance, I saw high-rise buildings, presumably hotels and condos. There's a freaking Conrad there, one of the high end brands of the Hilton chains of hotels. But tall buildings a city does not make. Punta del Este had some of the markings of a city but it still felt like a town. Driving through (we did this in a rental car in late November so it was before tourist season and we didn't have to deal with the bus station), Punta del Este is stretched out about, the curves of the road matching the shoreline, the touristy places nearer the point and the locals who run them living further inward. All hail consumerism.

But Punta del Este is beautiful. I loved it. To this point in my trip so far (and I have not been to Rio yet before you get all up in arms), the best beaches I have visited in South America. Beautiful. Comparable to beaches on the gulf, specifically Orange Beach in Alabama and Pensacola Beach in Florida in terms of cleanliness, sand (color, cut, clarity, and carat), day-beauty**, and overall ambience and beachiness***. It is more or less attractive than the control beaches in terms of seagulls. The girls are comparable, which I know is important to everyone.

It it, just, nice beach! The sand is warm and inviting. Go, put out a towel, and enjoy.

Unfortunately, I was only able to visit their for the day, not even one night. I could have spent a week there but I would have been like Odysseus with Circe. Five years would have felt like five days. I would have been lost. But a glorious five years it would be.**** If you get the chance to go, make sure you see the hand statue (see photo below). It is there in remembrance of those lost at see. There are two others, at least, once in Puerto Natalie, Chile, and another in the north of Chile somewhere. I'm not sure where. It is good for making photo.

As I was there for only a day, I did not get to experience the nightlife, so I have no thoughts or recommendations there. But it's the beach. Get some rum and make a party of it. Otherwise, like I said, make sure and see the hand statue and there's also this thing called casapueblo. Yeah, casapueblo. Google it if you're interested. I wasn't impressed. There's also a couple of good miradores for photos.

Love to all,
Ya Boy

*Big whoop, wanna fight about it?

**How beautiful the day is

***Scientific term of my own design. Patent-pending.

****Am I a beach bum? What's the definition of a beach bum? I think I'm a beach bum.

Uruguay In Four Parts - Cuz I Said That's How Many It Needed - Parte Tres - Colonia

So I'm doing a review/my thoughts on Uruguay in four equal installments (we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all installments were created equal):

1. Uruguay - an overall review and my thoughts on what they're doing right or wrong as a country
2. Montevideo - thoughts on the capital city
3. Colonia - one word: chivitos
4. Punta del Este - best beaches in South America (so far)

You are now experiencing Part Three. Enjoy.

Colonia, Colonia, everywhere, nor any drop to drink. Not sure why I put that. Apparently The Rime Of The Ancient Mariner is on the brain. Deal with it.

As I write this I'm sitting in a "VIP" lounge in the Santiago airport, at a nice computer with a nice keyboard so I thought I'd bang out a post. Ya dig?

Colonia. It's a little town in Uruguay. Why do people go there? First, it's to get there from Buenos Aires. When you want to go from Buenos Aires to Uruguay by ferry, you have two choices (there may be more but I don't know of them if so): Colonia or Montevideo. Colonia takes about an hour by ferry, I think Montevideo maybe 2. So Colonia is closer. If you're a non-Argentinian and want to make a run into Uruguay to pull some American currency (yes, Uruguayan ATMs rock and dispense USD) so you can convert it/change it back over in Argentina and get the sweet blue rate, Colonia is a great/easy option. I think round trip with taxes will run you $40-$50*, depending on when you buy your ticket (day of, day before, etc) and what day of the week you guy. I could also totally be misremembering the price.

Why else do people go there? Well, it's a cute little town. There's a lighthouse or two. I think when I was there for a day I saw two but I feel like people talked up the lighthouses a bit more. I think there are more than two lighthouses in Colonia is what I'm saying. And there's an old church, maybe, I don't know. It really is a cute town. It's not huge. It's got some old streets. I feel like we saw most of it when we were there. Not a whole lot to do.

One super fun thing to do is rent scooters there. They "red-line", which is a total crock, they don't, at 45 KM/H. Which is a joke! The ones we rented in Thailand had no trouble breaking 90! And they would still go faster! But Spencer and I took them around a lot of the town. As much as we could see, really. We saw a park and a lighthouse and whatever and then we just found the roads that take you out of town. I'm not saying we saw every square inch, but I'm not saying we didn't. The scooters were fun, regardless. It was great taking them to and from the hotel.

We also rented a golf cart and this was only fun when you had someone riding in the back and could terrify them with sharp turns. It was terrifying for them because (I know from personal experience) the backseat doesn't feel as stable. It feels like you're gonna lean to one side and tip the seat over or fall of something. But it was fun. It didn't go very fast, though. Bleh.

Colonia, as I'm sure you read in my post On Why Spencer Burness Is The Greatest Human Being Ever, has terrific chivitos. Get them from the chivito stand on the street. They'll rock your face off.

And Colonia is great cuz there's a Sheraton with a golf course and it's not super expensive to play (though we didn't play) and cool cab drivers and other things I'm not at liberty to mention. Although the bars did close awful early on a Wednesday compared to how Montevideo and Buenos Aires rock their nightlife.

It's a cute place to go and spend 1, maybe 2 days. 2 days max. If you're going from Buenos Aires to Montevideo, I recommend you take the ferry to Colonia, stay the night, and continue to Montevideo by bus the next day. Or reverse if you've already go to Montevideo and are going to return to Buenos Aires. It's worth a stop. A short stop.

That's all. Love you, Colonia. Peace out cub scout.

*Blue rate paid in dollaaahhhsss, not por tarjeta. Also, Colonia Express (not sure about Buquebus) has online specials. But you gotta pay by card to get it. So it's not really any cheaper. If Argentina ever fixes it's hilarious currency sitch, it will be worth it to book and pay online. But not yet!

Uruguay In Four Parts - Cuz I Said That's How Many It Needed - Parte Dos - Montevideo

So I'm doing a review/my thoughts on Uruguay in four equal installments (we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all installments were created equal):

1. Uruguay - an overall review and my thoughts on what they're doing right or wrong as a country
2. Montevideo - thoughts on the capital city
3. Colonia - one word: chivitos
4. Punta del Este - best beaches in South America (so far)

You are now experiencing Part Two. Enjoy.

Montevideo is a cool little city in the southwestish area of Uruguay. It's on the water (the west side still kind of touches the river stemming from up near Buenos Aires) and the south touches the Atlantic ocean and has a very busy port (allegedly. I don't know how to determine if a port is actually busy, but the port is certainly in use.) With I think 1.something million people (remember, Uruguay in total has 3 millionish people), it's pretty relaxed, especially compared to a Buenos Aires with 15 million people. That's not to say the people are lazy, but life loves a little more slowly there. It's nice and cute and usually quiet. The buildings are absolutely beautiful as the city still has a great deal of 18th and 19th century colonial architecture. The city is well-lit at night, but not as well-lit as Buenos Aires. Combined with the relative scarcity of people, the town can feel like a ghosttown at night, all spooky like, especially when there's a chill in the air and the wind is up. It's all "Where is everyboddyyyy?" and then you see the sign "Don't Open Dead Inside".

Montevideo is also very nice because, as I said, it's on the water, and when things are the water, what else are there bound to be? Beaches. That's right, betch. Beaches. There's plenty of 'em. And it's nice. And people go. And I get burnt. Also, when I was there, mid-November until beginning of December, it was hot. I mean, it did rain some, but, well, you didn't come here for a weather report, now did you? I saw a little volleyball, a little bit more futbol.

I'll take a minute to talk about a couple neighborhoods in Montevideo. First, Cuidad Vieja (Old City for you gringos and gringas). Cuidad Vieja is a nice part of town during the day, but watch yourself. People may try to rob you here. There is very, very little violent crime in Montevideo, so your odds of someone trying to rob you with a weapon are pretty slim, but don't take any chances. Watch your shit. And, just, don't go there at night. Just don't. Second, Pocitos. Pocitos, to me, is about the nicest neighborhood in Montevideo. Plenty of money, but people aren't flashy. But all around there, on the water, people are running on the sidewalks. People are like, superactive here. It's interesting because I heard Uruguay has the second highest rate of obesity or diabetes or something in the world, just after, you guessed it, the US. It's weird because when you're in Montevideo, it seems like everybody is trying to out fit each other.

Montevideo has some very nice parks. If you're there, go visit Parque Rodo. Pretty sweet. Also, around the city there are plenty of hamburger (hamburguesa) and hotdog (pancho) stands. Get a hambuger. You won't regret it. Seriously, these things are good. Put some peppers and shit on it.

Well, this post is getting long enough, but I wanna talk about one more pretty thing in Montevideo...the trees. Not kidding. Along the street and in the parks, the city has done a GREAT job with pretty trees.

When you walk down lots and lots and lots of the streets in Montevideo, they are lined with trees. In perfect formation. That is probably what makes you notice it more than anything. They are evenly spaced and for each tree that is on one side of the street, there is one that matches it on the other. There is, what I like to call, symmetry. And the the trees are large and strong and beautiful and many, if not all, have been cut or naturally made to bend so they angle themselves over the street. As they do such, since every tree on one side has a one-for-one match on the other, the trees meet in the middle and the all form a canopy down the road. It's magical.

It's quite impressive, really, because I don't think this is as easy as it looks, mainly because of the scale of the undertaking. Montevideo has what I call "half-blocks". That means that for every 1000 numbers in the addresses, it takes two blocks to cover that many numbers. A block, then, only covers 500 numbers. I am used to blocks covering either 100 or 1000 in numbers. But not in Montevideo. The point is, Montevideo has a LOT of blocks. And this is what I mean by scale. Montevideo, in the city, has lots of blocks and lots of streets. So to line every street with trees, and then to maintain them, is a massive undertaking. I'm not sure why they did this, but if nothing it certainly made the city very pretty.

And that's it. I doubt you want to read about trees any more. I just wanted to point out the fact that Montevideo has done something marvelous for its city with the trees and praise it as such. For whatever else they are doing, right or wrong, they got the trees right.

So that's it about Montevideo. Think I missed something? Want me to add something? Well, there's about 4700 different ways you can contact me via social media or whatnot, so have at it.

Update 1 (2013-12-18)

Oh, by the way, at some of the beaches, it looks like there are gold flecks in the water. I'm not kidding. The water is dirty but swimmable there so this additional detail doesn't deter me as well but I swear it's like you're wading into a bottle of Goldschlager. It's really weird. I didn't find what I was looking for when I didn't find it on the first page of my Google search results (which indicates the information exists nowhere in the world) so I gave up there. I also mentioned this to several people in Montevideo and they had no idea what I'm talking about so either I'm the only who can see the fortune/pollution (one man's trash, right?) in the sea or I've had a stroke. Anyways, if you DO know what I'm talking about and/or have any idea what it's about, let me know. Comment on this post, Facebook me, e-mail, tweet at me. Hell, Snapchat me. Whatevs. Outskees.

Uruguay In Four Parts - Cuz I Said That's How Many It Needed - Parte Uno - Uruguay As A Whole

So I'm doing a review/my thoughts on Uruguay in four equal installments (we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all installments were created equal):

1. Uruguay - an overall review and my thoughts on what they're doing right or wrong as a country
2. Montevideo - thoughts on the capital city
3. Colonia - one word: chivitos
4. Punta del Este - best beaches in South America (so far)

You are now experiencing Part One. Enjoy.

Why I wanted to visit Uruguay

I decided I wanted to visit Uruguay when I was planning this trip over this summer of 2013 for several reasons. First, I wanted to visit all the countries that make up the more of less "horn" of South America, which is Argentina, Uruguay, and Brazil, and sort of Chile, but whatever. I very much enjoy south South America as I find that the further north I get, the more dangerous it is.* Second, it's very easy to get to Uruguay (Montevideo or Colonia or really a lot of places in Uruguay since Uruguay is a small country), so there's a convenience factor. Seriously. You can take a ferry from BA to Colonia in 1 hour. Or to Montevideo in not much more time, maybe 2 hours. It's, like, right there. And it'll cost you less than $100 USD for a 1-way trip. Really, it became a no-brainer. Visit Uruguay. It's right there. Get a feel for the country and get that stamp on that passport. Third, well, I want to experience as much of the world as I can. So why not? (Yes, this statement is similar to #2 but it's not the same). And I forgot all my other reasons for wanting to visit Uruguay.

A little background on Uruguay

Uruguay is a "tiny" (big in spirit and heart) country in South America bordered by Argentina to the east, Brazil to the sort of north and west and the Atlantic Ocean. It is also tiny in population, having maybe only 3 million people. It's cute, with great places like Montevideo (its capital city), Colonia, Punta del Este, Punta del Diablo, and, well, other places? They speak Spanish and their accent is similar to/the same as Argentina's, that is, they make the double L (ll) sound like a "shuh"**, not the "yuh" sound found in Mexico, Guatemala, Costa Rica, Chile, and parts of the United States***, just to name a few places.

Now, some specifics...

What Uruguay is doing right

First, a disclaimer: To this point in my blog, when I am not in Argentina, you will see me make a lot of comparisons to Argentina, just like I made comparisons of Argentina/South America to India, as before this trip, India was my only prolonged time outside the country. It is only natural.

• Trade - Uruguay is doing trade alright, well, at least better than Argentina. They don't seem to have as many tariffs on their goods, meaning they can import more goods and provide a wider selection of goods for their people. This is a good thing. More sales = more sales tax, if they have a sales tax. I'm not sure if they do. And if they did like Argentina and had companies make their own versions of those goods, those goods would suck, or at least not be as good as if they imported said goods from real companies. So, good job Uruguay.
• Cars - piggybacking off of the trade topic, I saw nicer cars. I assume it's because a) it's easier import good cars, or at least cars people like and want to buy and b) Uruguayans have the money for it. And Uruguayans have a good sense of style. About the money, as always, one of my economic indicators for an area/city/country is the cars because they are so widely seen, so having seen some good cars in Uruguay, seems like their doing alright.
• FOOD - OMG THE CHIVITO. Have I written about the chivito yet? Oh yeah, I have, in my blog post On Why Spencer Burness Is The Greatest Human Being Ever. But yeah, over fries or "al pan" (in sandwich form, put seared steak, ham, egg, cheese, and an assortment of spices, sauces, and lettuce and tomato. Dee-lish. But Uruguayans have other good food like...well, they share a lot of the same food as in Argentina, so you'll find parillas (lots of meat), alfajores, milanesas (not as good as "El Club de la Milanesa" milanesas, but they're only human). One great thing you'll find in Montevideo is an abundance of hamburger/hot dog stands and they do hamburgers right. Same great bread as the chivitos in Colonia and they will load it up with spices and sauces and for you, and mozzarella, bacon, and ham if you pay extra. I mean, it's almost a damn chivito again. And the hotdogs aren't bad either! I did find sangria to be more popular in Uruguay than in Argentina. Wine, baby. What up.
• Marijuana - from what I can tell, Marijuana is decriminalized in Uruguay. You can "consume" it, but I'm not sure the laws around producing (growing)/packaging/distributing/selling it. I assume it's legal to sell (and, in the same way, consume) in small amounts cuz you gotta buy it from somewhere, right? I heard that even soon the state, the government of Uruguay, is going to take over producing and selling (so they can tax it) marijuana. Smart. Very smart. Good job, guys. Way to be progressive.****
• Weather - I was there during the spring so I did have great weather in Uruguay, so there's that. I heart they've got some nasty winters, though. So maybe winter there sucks. And with little else to do...
• Beaches - Uruguay got some great beaches. In Montevideo and Punta del Este you can go lay out and enjoy it. Lots of people are out walking/running/biking along the beach (I mean, LOTS of people in Montevideo. It's incredible.).
• Um, other stuff - I'm sure Uruguay is doing other stuff right. So yeah. Maybe I'll come back and update later if I think of more.

What Uruguay is doing wrong

• Population - you can always question the wisdom of "we need more people". More people means more resources get consumed, etc. I get that. But Uruguay could do with more. Really not because they only have 3 million, but because the ones that are there are leaving (or so I've heard). So, that's not going to bode well for you in the future.
• And, you know, probably other stuff. Can't think of more right now. I've written a lot.

My final verdict: lookit, I think Uruguay is cute. And I'd totally support it's application to become part of the US as the 51st state.

*Feel free to argue with me on that

**This is not the only difference in dialect, but it's one of the biggest

***That's not a racist joke, I'm just dickin around

****I mean, hey, it's getting legal in parts of the US, right?

Why Communism Doesn't Work In The 21st Century

Disclaimer: I am not an econominst. Well, an educated at one. We are all economists at heart, or in doth, thy brain, and in thy brain hath not heart and not heart a hath. Brain.*

A few days ago as I was walking through Montevideo and saw, graffitied on a wall, "100 años de Rodney Arismendi / Somos Antiimperialistas / Somos Comunistas". And, while I know nothing of Uruguayan government, I don't think they're communists...

While I found the graffiti amusing, it got me thinking. Perplexing. Analyzing. Doth. Over the course of my trip, I have been thinking about/considering the Argentine fiscal/economic policy of, and allow me to quote the law here properly, "taxing the everliving SHIT out of imports"** and how much I disagree with it. I think it's very stupid. You just hurt yourself. Your citizens can't buy the goods they want at a reasonable price of any sane amount of ease and you make it more difficult to build reasonable trade relationships because foreign companies can't easily import goods into your country. Additionally, when companies inside your country build versions of goods that can't be imported, they, or at least I imagine, won't be as good as the imported versions. Everybody loses because of volume.***

I then began comparing this idea to communism. But first, another disclaimer:

I AM IN NO WAY SAYING THE ARGENTINE GOVERNMENT IS A COMMUNIST GOVERNMENT. My comparison is merely to say, in a world of global trade, not trading with other countries is foolish.

Disclaimer over

Here we go.

Again, I'm not a highly educated economist, or a highly educated anything, but communism, economically speaking****, relies on an entire country to produce everything it needs. It treats everyone equally, so the guy who wants to be a doctor and would be good at it is a railway worker. It destroys motivation and morale. As much as you can say this doesn't work for so, so many reasons, mainly the other bad communist reasons, like censoring people, it REALLY doesn't work in a world (cue voiceover) with global trade and communications.

In a world of global trade, everyone country should develop a set of competitive advantages. Then everyone trades the excesses of the goods they make for the goods they need. Basic economics, right? Russia makes guns, trades them for butter from Switzerland. The US makes pop culture, trades with South Korea for Psy, gives Psy back for free with an unkind, handwritten note written in Mandarin about how what a dirty trick South Korea "played on us". John Kerry resigns. China grows and exports rice, trades with Japan for Playstations. Argentina trades cows with Guatemala for coffee. You get the picture.

In a world with global trade, if you try to do everything yourself, whether in a communist fashion or like Argentina by heavily restricting trade, you're fucking yourself, your government, and your own people. They don't get as good of options of choice, basically, the best choice, the best options, or simply enough options (i.e., variety), you don't make as much tax revenue, and then you lose even more money for your country by not exporting as much as you could.

So when I say communism doesn't work in the 21st century, what I mean to say is, not being part of global trade in a world with global trade doesn't work. You just fuck yourself. This is a square-is-a-rectangle moment.

I just hate communism. So, fuck communism.*****

*I'm really into Shakespeare for some reason this morning. I blame The Newsroom. Although I think they quote Don Quixote more often.

**I translated this myself. Pretty sure it's accurate.

***That is to say, you will sell more imports at a 10% sales tax than a 100% import tax. Hence, by volume, you could make more tax revenue with the 10% sales tax than with the 100% import tax.

 ****And this is the only way I'm speaking about communism in this post: economically.

*****One of the biggest reasons I love America: I can say "I hate communism" and not get thrown in jail for it. Fuck yeah.

Let Them Eat Cake Or Put Them On A Diet

I was considering my post The Great American Variety, about the amount of variety Americans are exposed to in grocery stores, pharmacies, gas stations, etc. It's enormous. As I've been walking through the streets of South America (Buenos Aires, Perrito Moreno, and Montevideo specifically) I have also been considering not only the variety in these places but also the ease (or difficulty) with which people in these places can spend money.

In the United States, we make it relatively (ok, VERY) easy for people to spend money. Credit cards typically aren't difficult to aquire and you can use them ANYWHERE. Seriously, tell me the next time you can't use a credit card. Even without credit cards, there are debit cards, which, too, are accepted everywhere. Then there's cash and I see no short supply of ATMs. There are checks, but who uses those at retail outlets anymore? I think even now at Home Depot you can pay with PayPal. And payments are getting easier. Look at the Square payment system, PayPal competing with it. You can transfer money in all sorts of ways. Google Wallet. The new ISIS payment system backed by the big mobile providers (AT&T, Verizon, T-Mobile) and credit card companies (AmEx, for example). It is very easy to spend your money in the US.

It is not quite the same situation outside the US. Granted I haven't visited everywhere, but I've found nowhere where it's quite so easy to spend money. In Europe, for example, they take card everywhere. It's fantastic and it's safer than carrying tons of cash around with you. But from what I can tell, it's more difficult to aquire a credit card in these places. Even in Canada, debit cards are very popular, credit cards less so. In India, outside of some restaurants and hotels, it was all cash. And ATMs were scarce. I don't know how people bought or sold anything over there. In Buenos Aires, plenty of places take card, but as I discuss in my post More on currency, arbitrage, and XOOM, you get the shitty bank rate when you use your credit card so it's foolish to use a credit card rather than use cash. But I was able to use my credit card at a grocery store in Montevideo yesterday! It was magical.


So I've been thinking this: if you make it very easy for people to spend money (to both get credit or at least make their cash readily available and easy to spend) and give them a wide variety of things to spend their money on, they would, probably, spend more money. In contrast, if you don't make it as easy for people to spend money (and if they haven't seen the US, they don't know the difference) and give them less variety (which, again, if they haven't seen the US they don't know better), they most likely won't spend as much of their money.

So which is better? Should the government be like protective parents, not letting their kid play on the jungle gym lest they hurt themselves, depriving them of an opportunity for fun? Or should the government give the people freedom, the freedom to play on the jungle gym but also potentially fall off and break their arm?

It's a difficult question. I'll address two of them here: limiting the upside and freedom.

Limiting The Upside

When I say limiting the upside, I mean, limiting the potential for positive outcomes. When you keep the child off the jungle gym, you ensure his safety (lest a meteor hit the earth right then, but, well, let's get into the finite nature of life at the moment). But you also "limt his upside". First, you are inhibiting his chance to have fun and enjoy that experience; to make himself happy. But you may also be blocking something you aren't thinking about, maybe like playing with someone on the jungle gym and making a friend. You are not only stopping the child's fun, you are also impeding his social growth and possibly making a longtime friend. That doesn't seem fair. I think in this case the upside far outweighs the downside the child should be allowed to play.

Let's put some scale to this: let's consider the economy.

If everyone can get easy access to credit and spend their money easily: In the short term, people will overspend and not be able to, for example, buy school supplies for their children. Or pay their mortgage and get behind for a month. Or in the long term they won't save enough for retirement.

If people have less access to credit and can't spend their money quite so easily: people save more but the economy suffers and doesn't grow as fast because people aren't the consumers they could be. Less tax revenue is generated for social programs. But at the same time, there isn't a catastrophic bubble that leads to economic crash and financial ruin for millions of people. Oh, and people save enough money to buy their kids broccolini and for their retirement. Hm.

Freedom

I'm not gonna beat the flag over this. I simply think people should be allowed to make their own choices, not have the government make them for you (in a lot of things, not all things). When it comes to spending money, people should be able to if they want to. This is a very, VERY broad subject and I know I'm wide open for attack here, but I'll just leave it there.

My Solution

As is always the right answer in these cases, it's freedom with controls. Put controls so the banks can't endanger themselves by extending so much credit they can't cover the bills if consumers don't make their credit card payments every month.* Make sure the playground is a safe environment. Put the helmet on the kid if you want to. But let him go play. Don't cut your nose off despite your face.

Note: This is not an "everything in moderation" approach because I don't think everything in moderation is a good idea. For example, I don't think cancer in moderation is a good idea.

*Also, monitor and update the controls as you go/periodically. People will always try to game the system. Be vigilant in accordance with how much is at stake. So when it comes to the economy and the health of our financial system, it's EVERYTHING. If the money supply stops, so does our food supply. So watch that shit.

Food & Me

There's a lot I could say about food. But I'll stick to two facets of the relationship food and I share:

1.) I'm terrible at remembering the names of food and especially different ingredients of food. I am also terrible at describing food.

2.) I'm terrible at identifying, and thus describing, taste.

Of course, I'm going to have a hard time remembering any examples right now. But I shall try.

Part One - Names and Descriptions of Foods and Ingredients

Some foods and/or ingredients, no matter how often I eat them, I don't remember what they are. Worse yet, I sure as hell can't describe them. It's just disastrous. For example, if you asked me what a compote was, I couldn't tell you, though I'd imagine I've eaten (insert type of compote here) compote before, but I don't know what that means. I now know cuz I wikipedia'd it. Custard? I could identify it but as for ingredients? I think egg white is part of it? Tiramisu is a good one because I've actually MADE tiramisu so I could probably tell you some of the ingredients (if I made it correctly, that is) but I'd have a hard time describing it to you.

I need to just go look at the menu of a fancy restaurant to give you some good examples. I'm the opposite of foodie; I think that is a called "a terrible person".

My biggest fault as a man is not being able to properly identify cuts of beef/cow. I can identify a filet, for example, and probably  New York strip, but the different between a ribeye, porterhouse, and T-Bone (ok, that one should be pretty obvious) I couldn't tell you. It's embarassing.

I also certainly can't do this at a Tex Mex restaurant because so much of the food involves rice, meat, and tortillas. However, in a Tex Mex restaurant, I don't think non-differentiation is all that surprising. Those menus have at least 67 different combinations and it's all almost the exact same. So I feel less bad about this one.

This was especially prevalent when I visited India for nearly 3 months earlier in 2013. I had a hard time remembering the names of anything because, well, the names just sounded very different than what I'm used to hearing. Add in my pre-existing condition I would like to call "food idiocy" and I could hardly remember any names of food I was eating. I actually took a photo of the menu a couple of times. And if you wanted a description of the food, you're better of with Google.

This last paragraph should at least give you a clue as to why I'm writing about this on a travel blog: I'm even worse at identifying what really goes into a food on a menu because, even if I know the translation for something, I may not know what that food is even in English or at least know the taste. It also happens that when people ask me to describe some foods in the US, I can't do it. I'll be like "Well, even if I knew the translation of that, it wouldn't help me."

Part Two - I Can't Describe Taste

Sure, I can tell you if something is sweet, salty, or sour. But bitter? I'm terrible at saying something is bitter. I've even forgotten the Spanish word for bitter at this point. Let me look it up...amargo. Bitter is amargo.

As bad as I am at describing the composition of a food, I'm worse at describing an actual flavor or taste. This in part stems from the fact I have an extremely limited range of adjectives for all things in this world, which, compounded, with my food deficiency, leaves me with about 1 total word for food: sweet...or I guess also "not sweet". It is also because I am shitty at identifying taste. I should just say "well, it's not sweet, salty, or sour, therefore it must be bitter". But I have absolutely no propensity to say "oh wow, this has hints of chickory and cinnamon, and is that cumin I taste?" I will never be that guy. I could taste straight cumin right before tasting something with cumin and wouldn't know that cumin was in the second thing.

Really, that's about it. I can't remember, describe, or identify foods, the names of foods, tastes or flavors. I pretty fail all around in this area of life.

The Great American Variety

I am a patriot, but not because I feel obligated to be because I was born in America. I am a patriot because I feel the same way about my home country I imagine anyone feels about their home country when they actually love their home country. That is to say, I love my home country because it is my home. There is no other way to say. I love America not because it's America but because it is both a good country and the country of my origin, my birth.* I also imagine I would not love America so much if it wasn't a good** country.

Beyond that, I love America because, well, it has given me and afforded me so much. Freedom. Freedom of speech and freedom to pretty much do what I want.

But I am not a patriot for no reason. I've seen a little bit of the rest of the world. I've seen countries much worse off with far worse conditions and political policies, domestic and foreign. I love America not blindly but because I am not blind. Because I have seen. Even just a little. I am grateful to our president, Congress, founding fathers, and all other Americans, no matter how stupid some of them may be. My love is not blind. I know a little bit about what else is out there.

But this post is not about why America is good or why I love America. It's about American variety. In the United States, we have a greater choice of our goods, in the things we buy, than I've seen ANYWHERE ELSE. I can go to the Kroger (a supermarket) 1 mile from my house in Atlanta, Georgia, and in it find a pharmacy, a grocery store, shampoo, paper towels, dog food, beer, etc. However, in this I don't mean the number of different types of things in the store. I mean the number of types of beer, bread, shampoo, medicines, etc. IT'S RIDICULOUS.

And wonderful. And incredible. And huggable. I want to hug it. That this exists. Whoever thought of it. The idea.

Think about it. Next time you go into a grocery store or pharmacy, take note of how many different brands for each type of thing exist. Actually, do it for about 3 things. For example, check how many different types of shampoo, Heinz ketchup (bottle size, for example) and types of potato chips. There are sides of entire aisles dedicated to just potato chips. It is a phenomenon in the US. YOU WILL NOT FIND THIS MUCH CHOICE anywhere else in the world.

And this is not just true in grocery stores but pharmacies and gas stations well. Retail outlets that live off of razor-thin margins. They have gotten very good at selling us nonsense, and it's great for the consumer.

It's also not just true in one town or in one city. It's EVERYWHERE. Everywhere consumers have this vast spread of options laid out in front in them. You can find this in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, Atlanta, Georgia, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Boston, Massachusetts, Phoenix, Arizona, EVERYWHERE.

Seriously, stop for a minute, take a look around and think about it. You'll realize it very quickly, too.

We have SO MUCH VARIETY in the US. So much option. So much choice. In other countries you can go to different locations of the same store and find the same things. But the choice is limited. In the US we have EVERYTHING at our fingertips. It's wonderful.

It took my good friend Spencer Burness (tired of hearing about him yet? Me too. But he's smart...ish.) to verbalize what I'd been thinking subconsciously for a long time. When you go to plenty of other developed countries (let's just posit for the sake of argument that developing have choice that is less than or equal to developed countries outside of the US) just isn't as great, the selection isn't as large, as in the US.

In the US we have it all!*** No, seriously it's insane the amount of choice we have, the selection we have.

Now as to why.

Why? Why in the US do we have such choice? Is it cultural? Do Americans, i.e., American culture, just demand greater choice? Do we really do that? Maybe. Maybe it's just Americans expectations and market competition. Store A does it so Store B naturally has to do it to keep up and compete?

I'd actually say that's the answer, but I'd also say we can only do this because it's possible. It is possible. We have the supply chain and the demand to do it. We do it because the people selling us stuff know we'll buy the things we want, so they give those things to us rather than limiting us to things we like less and therefore buy less of it. This is probably fueled by a very fluid money supply and credit. I'll hit on this more in a blog post in the future on: is it better to restrict choice and credit and protect people from themselves so they don't overspend OR give them the option and credit to spend like crazy and let the economy boom? Protect people from themselves, like parents restrict their children only to protect them OR give the children freedom because they just might surprise you and not only take care of themselves but do good things they couldn't if they were otherwise restricted.****

Point being, in the US, we have unparalleled selection and options when it comes to goods we buy at retail compared to basically any other country (that I've visited) on the planet. The only exceptions might be China and Japan as I haven't visited those yet. Maybe I need to look at other places I've visited more closely. Or, you know, find some economic numbers and statistics.*****

*Note to self: I need an origin story, like Spiderman or Underdog.

**Yes, yes, the definition of good is subjective, but fuck off, you know I mean. You can't argue with me about this. It's a good country, end of story. Don't bring up drone strikes or the percentage of our own population we lock up. I get it. Shut your mouth, you cynical bastard, and go back to enjoying this country that has given you so much and not "disappeared" you for literally no reason.

***We don't have it all in the US. But we sure as hell have a lot of choice.

****Brennan, go back and link this post to the other post when you write it in the future.

*****Fuck that. You really think I'm gonna do that? It reeks of work and you know how I feel about work.

18 Wheelers in Buenos Aires

First, let me start with this question: is there a difference in 18 wheelers and transfer trucks? What's the official name for an 18 wheeler? That can't be the official name, right? The official name for a truck can't be based on the number of wheels the truck has, right? We're not that lazy in America, tell me that much. Trevor, help me out here.

To the real point of this post: I was noticing that in the city of Buenos Aires (BA), I had seen basically no 18 wheelers. Like none. Which makes sense and doesn't at the same time. It makes sense because Buenos Aires is a big city but with streets that really aren't quite adequate. In fact, it would make sense for at least the city to make an ordinance saying "No 18 wheelers in the city of Buenos Aires. Traffic is shitty enough as it is and the sidestreets, as well as even the main streets, aren't wide enough for you and can't handle you due to the volume of traffic and width of the streets. Seriously, you'd just make everything worse. Don't do it. I'm serious, young man. Don't...don't make me...put that down."

So, but then what to do with the 18 wheelers? Buenos Aires is a huge city with what I assume is a huge port. Okay, it can't be that huge cuz where the hell is BA gonna send stuff? Why import there? Besides, the Argentine hates the word "import". It's a four letter word for them. But still, you gotta do something with the goods once their imported, either by rail or truck, and we know BA isn't going to do things exclusively by rail. Cuz no city can/would. So where the hell are all the 18 wheelers???

It would further make sense that the city of BA would say, in addition to no 18 wheelers in the city, that all trucks had to use the highways and go around the city and all delivers into the city have to be made by smaller trucks. We aren't quite the same in the US, but we do have shipping lanes/routes and bypass routes for shipping/trucks around cities. Which makes perfectly wonderful, logical sense.

So what's going on?? Where's the beef? Er, the 18 wheelers? They must be somewhere? Those goods have to get to their destinations!

Well I'll tell you.

I was going to write a post I hadn't seen any...until LITERALLY my last day in Buenos Aires. On my last day, November 15, 2013, I was walking from my hostel in San Telmo to the south port Puerto Madero to catch a ferry to Uruguay when I saw, well, several 18 wheelers. There were doing EXACTLY what is described above. The trucks were coming directly from the port and hopping on the elevated highway that goes over and around Buenos Aires. But not through the city streets. God, if you put transfer trucks on 9 de Julio, traffic would never move again in the city.

So, why didn't I see any 18 wheelers in Buenos Aires until the day I left? A) Because I'm oblivious to things and have little natural common sense. and B) I hadn't hung out by the port much and studied shipping patterns or laws.

It makes sense. I'd probably seen 18 wheelers in BA and just not noticed them. And there's probably more to this story than I know. It's super-simplified, right? But it does make you wonder about supply chain in BA and if they've got it figured out.*

*Hint: doubtful

On Why Spencer Burness Is The Greatest Human Being Ever

Brennan: "Holy shit, that place was ridiculous."
Spencer: "(in Matthew McConaughey accent) I know, man, I know."
Brennan: "How'd you find that place?"
Spencer: "Remember when we were cabbing through town earlier? I saw that place and went 'food truck!!' and dropped a pin on my phone."
Brennan: "You're a fucking genius."
Spencer: "Goddamn right."*

First, a disclaimer: No, Spencer Burness is not the greatest human being ever, probably. But bros, don't be offended. You're all awesome. Just, in this particular moment, Spencer displayed a kind of genius normally only found in baby dolphins and feral cats. It was quite impressive.

DISCLAIMER OVER

I had to tell this story. A very specific story, a sea change from my normal vague rants. Spencer visited me in South America, specifically Buenos Aires, at the beginning of November 2013. On Wednesday of that week, we went over to Colonia, Uruguay. There we discovered the Uruguayans have a food called *pause for angelic chorus* chivitos. What is a chivito? A chivito is a food served over fries or in sandwich form. It is beef (some kind of sirloin steak deal) and on top ham, cheese, and a fried egg, and possibly a little lettuce, tomato, and onions mixed it. Throw in some salt, some peppers, tabasco, and some other sauces, mostly mayonaisse based, serve it over fries or on bread, and you have about the greatest food ever known. It's insanely good. It's a billion calories but it'll change your religion (pssst you're looking in the wrong direction). Is a chivito distinctly Uruguayan? I don't know and I don't care. The food is insane. I just met some Americans like an hour ago and they told me you can find them in Chile but they suck there.

Anyways, Spencer looked these up before/on the way to/in Uruguay so we tried them. We ended up eating 3 of them, one of fries and 2 in sandwich form. The first time we had the sandwich form, he called it the greatest late night food he'd ever had. He was more than right.

Spencer's genius of both recognizing the food truck, having the good sense, mental fortitude, and technological awareness to drop a pin at that location, and then remembering it later when we were drunkhungry was impressive. Make him CEO, I say.

Look, that's really all I care to say on this story. There's a lot more I will eventually say about Colonia and Uruguay, but for now I hope you have devoured this story as rampantly as Spencer and I devoured our chivitos. Dee-lish.

*Conversation has been altered liberally to fit how I want it to have gone. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Have No Fear

You ever verbally agreed with someone on something but mentally you disagreed? Why? Obviously this can have serious consequences, say, in a business meeting: "I think we SHOULDN'T make our customers have passwords!" "Oh yeah, great idea, sir!"

No, but really. Let's say someone says "Oh man, that new taco place is THA BOOOOMMMBBB", you know, cuz they're stuck in 1997. And you just go "Oh yeah, man, it's the best. I didn't know what life was until I'd had a taco from that place," even though in reality you're thinking "No, that place was terrible. Pretty sure I ordered a barbacoa taco and got a dog poop taco. It was terrible. I can't believe I'm thinking this, but I can't wait for that place to go out of business and a McDonald's to go up in its place." I'm sure you can think of a million instances.

Why do we do this? I posit two reasons:

1.) Acceptance. We don't want to insult or upset our "friend" by disagreeing with them. It'd make them look bad/feel stupid and we love our friend. Or at least we don't want to lose them as our friend. And besides, negativity is unattractive. However, a seasoned mind, someone with their own, original, fresh ideas and attitudes is attractive.

2.) Laziness. We don't want to argue with our friend because we feel tired or lazy and just let it go. We agree so we can move on or they'll at least shut up.

Why am I talking about all this? Because until recently I was afraid to say bad things about other cultures. I don't want to be downright mean about them, but I want to be honest about how I feel. I'm talking about my post "Argentina: Another Side". I'm not all that kind to Argentina in this post. But I'm trying to be fair, or at least honest, about what I really think of the culture. In my defense, there are lots of things I like about Argentina, but the culture of laziness is not one of them. In fact, I have multiple posts on the things I like in Argentina. This is an exception.

At first, I didn't say bad things about Argentina for three reasons:

1.) I didn´t want to offend the people here. They're nice enough and seem like decent people. This is where I would say they work hard, but...they're mothers and daughters, sisters and sons. Why knock them down a peg?

2.) I'm a stupid white boy, what do I know about culture?

3.) I´m American, what do I know?

But I've been given the courage to get over it. To actually be honest. Thanks to the people who did that, you know who you are and I don't want to mention you by name on the internet since there might be* arrest warrants out for you.

So even though I'm a stupid white boy without much perspective, sometimes even a blind man can see the truth. Don't be afraid to speak your mind, to have an opinion. I will caveat this with two things:

1.) Pick your battles. You don't have to have an opinion about everything.

2.) Don't be a dick about it.

*probably are**

**definitely are